Let’s Talk About: Emus

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Lyrica for purchase When it comes to flightless birds, emus are top dogs.  It’s as simple as that.  Sure, ostriches are larger, and cassowaries know martial arts, but emus beat the Australian army back in 1932- seriously, I’m not kidding, the army lost to a bunch of emus.  They’re also more like velociraptors than actual velociraptors (don’t google this, it might just ruin you… Jurassic Park got it so very wrong).  None of this should really come as a surprise though, considering that they come from Australia, arguably the most dangerous place on Earth, thanks to its wildlife.  That being said, upside down people seem to fascinate them.  So sit ratite, (cause that’s the type of bird they are… get it), and let’s talk about emus.

http://socialfirms.org.uk/wp-cron.php?doing_wp_cron=1527151613.4406549930572509765625 Like Oprah Winfrew, female emus wear the pants in the relationship.  Male emus are smaller than the females, build the 1-2 metre nest, and incubate the eggs.  Females, on the other hand, get their choice of males, lay up to 15 eggs, then bugger off.  And in all honesty, the males really get the shit end of the stick.  Ever 409823_2ba9a89ethe doting parent, the male emus do not move from the nest for almost two months.  I’m talking 55 days of nothing but sitting on eggs.  No eating, drinking, or shitting, the males only stand up to rotate the eggs.  Can you imagine that!  I mean, personally, I’m very regular.  We’re talking three times a day, after each meal.  55 days without dropping a deuce might just kill me.

But enough potty talk (we did say we like poop).  Emus do more things than just sit on eggs- like be excellent athletes.  Growing to about six feet tall, emus can run up to 50 km/h, are able to jump 7 ft, and enjoying swimming.  Personally, the swimming thing surprised me the most- in my mind they’re just large ungraceful swans… it’s wonderful.  If that’s not enough for you though, they’ve also got a special neck sac, that they use to make low guttural noises.  These noises that both scare of predators (they don’t want dingoes eating their babies… cause dingoes actually eat their babies), and attract the ladies.  What’s sexier than low, rumbling, throat noises?  Nothing.

But really, emus solidified themselves as the bad asses they are thanks to their triumphant victory over the Australian army back in 1932.  Dubbed, the Emu War, emus were found to be quite the pests for the veterans of World War 1, who were trying to set up farms emu-169903_640and live nice, long, relaxing lives.  In fact, the emus were so annoying to the veterans, that the army itself was called in.  Armed with machine guns and machismo, the army took to the forests to gun down the vermin (they were literally classified as vermin, with a bounty and everything).    Unfortunately, like Neo from the Matrix, emus know how to dodge bullets.  After one week, and 2,500 bullets, only 200 emus were killed.  In the end, after about a month, only 1,000 of the 20,000 birds had been killed- after the soldiers had shot about 10,000 bullets- causing the army to give up, leaving the emus victorious.  An actual quote from the whole ordeal, “If we had a military division with the bullet-carrying capacity of these birds it would face any army in the world… They can face machine guns with the invulnerability of tanks.”.  Awesome!

But those are just emus, crazy flightless birds from down under.  If you crave for more emu knowledge, however, check out these here links: